happy/sad.

I have decided one of the most complex emotions is happy/sad. In the same minute you go from grinnin' like a possum (kudos to my dad for that expression) to wondering why it's raining inside, and then you realize those are tears, not rain drops, when the knots in your stomach abruptly make their presence known and the faucet in your nose turns on. This ushers in the flood of nostalgia and gratitude tinged with the tiniest bit of fear. BUT the fear is muted by anticipation, and by the quiet voice in your head (or heart?) that whispers "Fear not, I have great plans for you. Cherish what's behind, give thanks for the now, and keep walking forward."

Please tell me I'm not crazy and you can relate to this emotional oxymoron. I think we should give it a name. Sadiness? Eh, let's keep working on that.

Last night was my last shift at Duke for quite a while (taking a leave of absence until February 2014). Having finished that chapter but yet to turn the page to the next, I'm staring at a blank page feeling a little lost and a little more emotionally labile than my norm. But mostly I am feeling grateful. Even in the transitions, especially in the unknown, God is good.